To judge by the despondency of several of my friends and colleagues, some of whom claim to be caught in a state of “post Satanism,” there’s a great malaise plaguing modern Satanic religion. Most of it seems to stem from disillusionment over Satanic groups and leadership not turning out to be all they’re cracked up to be. Some, however—myself included—feel there’s an even more fundamental sense in which modern Satanism rings somehow mightily hollow at its very core. Everywhere you look these days, there’s a wealth of innovation and mobilization in the name of Satanism, but nowhere does this mass movement seem to be undergirded by consistent, intellectually satisfying principles. More individuals than ever, it seems, are claiming the name and mantle of Satanist, but this relative wealth of Satanists is paradoxically producing a penury of coherent Satanism. In this post, I explore the unsatisfying semantics of modern Satanism and suggest a way out of the quagmire.